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Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Am I lightheaded because I\'m not dead or because I\'m still alive?
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Why don\'t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
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Raymond\'s Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don\'t work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
If women didn\'t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Finagle\'s Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
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Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
I\'m not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It\'s just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
In the begining there was nothing and God said \'Let there be light\', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I\'m not sure about the former.
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Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
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Those are my principles. If you don\'t like them I have others.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don\'t work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn\'t.
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Everybody\'s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there\'s a really easy way: stop participating in it.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
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A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
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Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
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In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
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It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
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Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
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Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
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Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
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Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
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The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there\'s no law against whacking them around a bit.
I\'m not a member of any organized political party, I\'m a Democrat!
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Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
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In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don\'t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
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2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
A physicist is an atom\'s way of knowing about atoms.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don\'t think.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn\'t get bigger or heavier.
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Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
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You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
I\'ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I\'ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
If quantum physics doesn\'t confuse you then you don\'t understand it.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, \'Why god? Why me?\' and the thundering voice of God answered, \'There\'s just something about you that pisses me off.\'
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
I don\'t know why we are here, but I\'m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called \'Ego\'.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
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Throughout American history, the government has said we\'re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It\'s a hoax.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn\'t get bigger or heavier.
They couldn\'t hit an elephant at this dist--
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
I Can\'t Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don\'t Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
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Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Mit der Dummheit k?mpfen G?tter selbst vergebens
It\'s strange, isn\'t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go \'aaaaagghhhh\' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
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Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Hearing nuns\' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I\'ll never know.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
I\'m Jewish. I don\'t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
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Finagle\'s Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
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If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
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One doesn\'t have a sense of humor. It has you.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There\'s also a negative side
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren\'t, then I\'d be a teacher.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
A man\'s only as old as the woman he feels.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
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It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She\'s 97 today and we don\'t know where she is!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
I Can\'t Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don\'t Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Raymond\'s Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
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The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It\'s not a truck. It\'s a series of tubes!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
If you\'re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
Research is what I\'m doing when I don\'t know what I\'m doing.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can\'t it get us out?
If a man does his best, what else is there?
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I\'m trying to see things from your point of view but I can\'t get my head that far up my ass.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don\'t work, those that break down and those that get lost.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
I\'m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can\'t, you are usually right.
If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
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The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it\'s good it\'s wonderful, and when it\'s bad it\'s still pretty good.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can\'t get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
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Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
If women didn\'t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he\'d lie just to keep his hand in.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
Hearing nuns\' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Raymond\'s Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
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I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can\'t get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Computer dating is fine, if you\'re a computer.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren\'t, then I\'d be a teacher.
I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there\'s no law against whacking them around a bit.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
It\'s impossible to experience one\'s death objectively and still carry a tune.
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Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
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We don\'t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it\'s good it\'s wonderful, and when it\'s bad it\'s still pretty good.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don\'t need.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
The company doesn\'t tell me what to say, and I don\'t tell themwhere to stick it.
Dave matthews models john varvatos\' advertisements.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Minsky\'s Second Law: Don\'t just do something. Stand there.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
If women didn\'t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/26/(Thu) 10:26
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